From Psych Patient to Psychic Medium: Part One

Four o’ clock in the morning, 11-year-old me was entranced in the computer screen, trying to figure out spirituality and every mystery of the universe. Why do I keep seeing and hearing things, things no one else seems too? Why do I feel so deeply, so intensely, and so overwhelmed? The emotions were too much for me to handle. I wanted answers and the bible wasn’t giving me what I needed. I had never been much for the fear-mongering, ‘we are all going to hell’ mentality, that I was taught in Christian daycare. It felt so wrong to me and left so many questions unanswered. By this time, I’d already spent a week in my first psychiatric facility for a suicide attempt and I wanted to know why I was the way I was. There was this pull I felt deep in my soul, a strong sense that a higher power existed, and I was somehow intrinsically connected to this divinity. At the same time, I was perpetually depressed and anxious, overwhelmed by everyone and everything. “What is wrong with you?” I would contemplate in the mirror. I was not like everyone else, and truth be told, I never had been (and never will be).

A Journey Through Time

Let my take you back a few years before I was six years old. The stories I have heard from my family made me sound like a little demon child. I almost got kicked out of daycare for beating up on kids twice my age… usually for something as simple as daydreaming and staring at me or taking them down the slide by my teeth because they weren’t going fast enough. As time progressed, I seemed to outgrow the violence quite a bit, but my anxiety was at an all-time high and I had two major phobias… heights and handicap people. I have luckily outgrown that second one, but it wasn’t easy to navigate. There were many years of leaving events early, panic attacks, and special glasses that apparently made me invisible. Young me was so convinced that God wasn’t that cruel. I had no idea what I was in for. At six and a half, my father died, and I got a true test of what life was really like. He was only 32.

Grief, Depression, and Safety Scissors

After my father’s untimely passing, I grew even further into my shell. I was more anxious and depressed than I had ever been. I did not know how to navigate these intense emotions I was feeling. To top it off, I was bullied in school for a variety of reasons. I was sinking deeper and deeper. It was also around this time I started having my first interactions with spirit people. I would have trouble sleeping many nights, scared out of my wits, because I could hear them walking up and down the stairs. I also heard the faint whispers of their voices, though it never seemed I could make out what they were saying. I felt that life was literally the cruelest joke and just kept falling further down the proverbial rabbit hole. The visitations seemed to get more frequent and the only explanation I was given was “the house was settling.” Between the grief of losing my dad, along with everything else I was dealing with, I began to self-harm. When that was discovered, I was taken to a psych doctor and diagnosed with depression. I was given a couple of different medications and after a week of that, 11-year-old me tried to slit my wrist with safety scissors because that’s all I had access too. This landed me in my first impatient psychiatric ward, though it wouldn’t be the last. This takes us back to the beginning of this story.

What is Normal anyway??

This is when I really began to dig deep and search for answers. I explored many different religions to try to figure out where I fit. The only religion that came remotely close was Wicca, where nature was celebrated, and spirits were real. You mean there is a chance I’m not just batshit? Up until this point, I was made to feel so abnormal. All the doctors wanted to do was shove pills down my throat and hope for the best. This was the first inkling, the first glimmer of hope, that there might be a place for me in this world. The internet led me to many different things in my years, but that sparkle of hope brought something into my life I hadn’t had in as long as I could remember. Looking back now, I think this was one of the tricks Spirit had up their sleeves to help start nudging me toward the journey of spirituality, psychic awareness, and mediumship. I truly believe if it wasn’t for divine intervention on several occasions, I would not still be walking this Earth. While I have since grown out of the Wiccan religion, I will always be thankful for spirit leading me down that road.

You, Me, & Commonality

So, what does all this have to do with you? Even when you feel desperate and absolutely alone on your journey on this Earth, YOU AREN’T. Spirit is constantly nudging us whatever direction we need to go to fulfill our soul’s purpose. With delicate precision, they intricately help steer us in the direction of fulfillment, coming from a place of love and understanding. If it wouldn’t have been for some of my scariest and darkest times, I wouldn’t have made it to this point in my journey. If it wouldn’t have been for the early footsteps and voices, would I have explored this path? Think back to everything you have been through, all your achievements and yes, even your ‘mistakes’ . Are there seemingly dark times in your life that have impacted your spiritual growth tremendously?  Would you be the person you are if it wasn’t for the things you have experienced? I know I wouldn’t be. While each of us have a unique soul purpose, we all have one major factor in common. We have Spirit by are side, offering assistance every turn of the way. They want you to be the best version of you so ask them for their guidance!